1001 night or how to make peace with your insomnia

3 AM.

I am awake.

Again!

4th night in a row!

Again I wake up at 1, 3, at 5 – body is exhausted, mind is restless, thoughts are chasing themselves like a dog its tail.

Yet something is distinctly different this time.

I give up, I whisper – to myself and to the night.

For the last 3 nights each time I woke up, I was more and more anxious; like a spooked bird beating its wings too fast, I am fidgeting in my bed, fighting with myself – my body too tense, my mind  is having a busy, loud, obnoxious party on my account.

I am so tired….

I GIVE UP!

What is it? Night, body, universe – somebody, give me the damn answer! I am ready to scream.

The shift of energy is palpable….

The night hugs me; her soft, velvety embrace is soothing my aching body, cooling my burning forehead.

I feel instantly calmed and safe, the last wish of anxiousness dissipates into the darkness.

“Listen,” the night whispers into my ear. “Just listen.”

I listen…

Outside, far away, neighborhood cats are having their usual standoff; nearby dog officiating the match. The pre-dawn breeze tickles the wind chimes, tuning them to singing bowls and Tibetan gongs..

Inside, the quietness is more palpable still. If I squeeze my hand, the stillness will squish between my fingers.

My mind drifts…

Few years ago I prayed to different Gods. I my post-divorce, anxiety – driven insomnia stupor natural supplements became my faith. Back then, I knelt to the altar of herbal medicine, trusting it would deliver the most coveted prize of all – few precious hours of sleep.

Eventually the mental fog lifted. Underneath was a sprout of idea, half-thought, half-question that tugged at my sleeve sometimes gently, but more often with the impatience of a 2-year old:

“Is this all there is to it? How deep does THIS rabbit hole go?”

I wake up as the freshly squeezed juice of the morning light pours into my bedroom, grateful to have a pen and paper waiting for me. I believe these experiences  and discoveries I’ve made on my way are meant to be shared. I hope you find them helpful.

Wind down with this 10 to 20 minute restorative evening sequence:

• Start in supported Downward dog pose – placing a brick underneath your forehead feels calming and relaxing;

• Follow with supported wide-angle standing forward bend – placing your feet wide apart, fold at the hips, placing the crown of your head on the brick or a few pillows.

• Transition onto your hands and knees, and follow up with the cat/cow stretch to unwind the spine; then take balasana – child’s pose; for even more calming effect try supported child’s pose – with the bolster underneath your belly, chest and head ( turn your head to one side, and then the other)

• Finish up with reclining bound angle pose – sitting on the floor, draw the soles of your feet together, taking the knees apart. Place a roll up blanket, or a few pillows underneath your knees for added comfort, and then recline back with your spine resting on a bolster or a few pillows. Soften your belly and let your pillows and mat receive your body.

Follow up with simple Ayurvedic bed-time routine

• An hour before bedtime run a hot bath with a few drops of essential oil – lavender, sandalwood, or vanilla. You can also diffuse the same scent in your bedroom.
• As your bath is running, slowly perform self-massage using sesame or almond oil. While there’s a special technique to Ayurvedic self-massage, abhyanga, a slow circular movement with particular attention to scalp and feet will do the trick.
• While soaking, turn the lights down low.
• After you bath drink something warm – a cup of warm milk with nutmeg and honey or chamomile tea.
• If your mind is very active, journal for a few minutes before bed.
• Once in bed, feel your body and let your mind drift.

Good night!